Ted Toth
Elite Veteran
Location: Myrtle Beach S.C.
| Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being
104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
"Hardly worth going home is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries.
A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer,
and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and
subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But ...Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's
license!
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A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office "Doc,
I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you
think
your 'sex drive' is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her
will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered
over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why
Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your
own Easter eggs.
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You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. |
