RCHELIFANATIC
Senior Heliman
Location: TEXAS
| It's that time of year once again . . . Time for the Darwin Awards.Enjoy!
First Place - Candidate for this year's Darwin Awards.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder: He peered down into the barrel and tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
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A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car ! during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
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An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying ! to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
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A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a
gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over
laughing. It prob! ably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his
gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief
ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put
a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this
is a ****-up!"
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As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
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Kentucky: Two men tried to pu! ll the front off an ATM cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the
bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With
the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to
the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
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A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle ! declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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