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Off Topics > SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE - PART I
 
 
Dino Spadaccini
Key Veteran
Location: USA

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE - PART I

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE - PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi. He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE - PART III (Just Great Stuff)

What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."

My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.

Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Team Thunder Tiger
Team Futaba
CY Enterprises
Morgan fuel
Rev max
TEAM MAPTERGY
06-05-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
omurru
Veteran
Location: Australia

WooHoo, no abuse to Australians
06-05-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
NitroSpazzz
Veteran
Location: Wisconsin and/or Minnesota

Very good, you must have A LOT of spare time on your hands, or a good site to copy and paste from Keep it up

Blake Tennessen
507.279.3930
06-05-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
its-a-trick
Senior Heliman
Location: Cymru

Ahhh, I see you dont know of the Welsh
any way I'm off to get some new wellies (they know all about that in Oz)
I like the one about bmw's
Happy flying
06-05-2003 Over year old.
 
 
rob_jones
Key Veteran
Location: Oglethorpe, GA

Hey! I drive a BMW. Does that mean that I'm a prick?

-----
Team MRC Hirobo
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
06-05-2003 Over year old.
 
 
MaxC
Senior Heliman
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

Drive a bimmer, and use Macs? I'd say so... lol

Max
06-05-2003 Over year old.
 
 
Hawk4flyer
Senior Heliman
Location: Deland,Florida

I know a bunch that would piss just about everyone off.

But, I'm one of those dumb rednecks. my family tree has no branch's.

My brother was born in texas, proof that Indians did screw buffallo's.

My sister is in San Deigo, land of the fruits and nuts.

I just bought an Italian car, a cadi' with a flat. All you hear is wop wop wop.
06-05-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
Dragon2115
Key Veteran
Location: New England

Speaking of Rednecks.

"Ya gotta feel sorry for our kids sometimes. Just look at you and your wifes' gene pool. Ya can't rightly expect to mix stagnant pond water with the contents of a septic tank and get Evian now can ya?" Jeff Foxworthy
06-06-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
George Matthews
Key Veteran
Location: N.W. Ohio

What do you call two lesbians in an igloo ?
Klondikes !

George Matthews
06-06-2003 Over year old.
 
 
alfred
Veteran
Location: Australia, New South Wales, Mid North Coast

Brilliant

Now..any German jokes out there?
I haven't laughed about my nationality for a long time now
06-07-2003 Over year old.
 
 
extremeflying
Veteran
Location: Thailand

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever

i love this one!

about the chinese people-the tallest guy in the world is chinese

Oh..shiiieeettt !!!
06-07-2003 Over year old.
 
 
JWBurns
Veteran
Location: The Lone Star State, Dallas Texas

You forgot to slam Canadians!

Jason
06-10-2003 Over year old.
 
 
Jeffman12
Senior Heliman
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

And Texans!

Jeffman12 - Hawksport
06-10-2003 Over year old.
 
 
johnboy
Veteran
Location: South Lincolnshire nr Peterborough UK

NO SPEEKA DA ENGLIS

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives.........

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤
06-10-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
eSmith
Veteran
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

Here, someone mentioned Canada, well, we would like to take a moment to say sorry for some of things that may have offended our american friends:

Subject: A truly Canadian Apology to the USA...

Courtesy of Rick Mercer from "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" CBC
Television:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology
to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well
recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it
wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that
he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all
it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more
trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper
and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess
our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than
yours.

I'! m sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812.
I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your
beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going
up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against
Hitler,
but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're
constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is
really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset
over
this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

http://www.edmheli.ca
06-10-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
KC
Elite Veteran
Location: WA

theres a much easier way of offending everyone here......

I HATE WHITE PEOPLE

that ought to do it
06-11-2003 Over year old.
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
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