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Off Topics Jokes-Puzzles-Riddles > Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids
 
 
Tmblewd
Veteran
Location: Phoenix, AZ

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little b@$%ard.


MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.


JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.


SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you Dumb A$$"


HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.


HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.


GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
06-18-2008 04:20 PM
 
 
leady
Senior Heliman
Location: sharnbrook, bedford, UK

old king cole was a merry old soul
a merry old soul was he
he called for a light
in the middle of the night
to go to the W.C

the night was dark and stormy
the candle was having a fit
and old king cole
fell down the hole
and swallowed a pile of s***
06-18-2008 08:16 PM
 
 
del19_82
Heliman
Location: Glasgow, Scotland

Humptu Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
The structure of the wall was incorrect,
So he won a Grand with Claims Direct!

www.waterfoothelis.com
06-21-2008 01:08 AM
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
TachyonDriver
Veteran
Location: Chipping, Lancs, UK

Mary had a little lamb.
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece
to see if they would......get on well together

Tach.

Little Spinning Bundle of Joy® DON'T DISS THE DINO!!
06-22-2008 04:10 PM
 
 
TachyonDriver
Veteran
Location: Chipping, Lancs, UK

Mary had a little lamb.
She tied it to a pylon
10000 volts shot up its arse...
and turned its wool to Nylon.

Tach.

Little Spinning Bundle of Joy® DON'T DISS THE DINO!!
06-22-2008 04:11 PM
 
 
wizen2002
Heliman
Location: Ca

jack and jill went up the hill to get a pail of water jack felt down and broke his XXXX & jill has been dry ever since after..
06-22-2008 04:20 PM
 
 
BigguyOz
Key Veteran
Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
Every time the lamb got out
Her bulldog tried to
put it back again

Tony Stott
Scenefromabove.com.au
13.3m mast
AP hot air balloon
AP kites
06-22-2008 10:19 PM
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
BigguyOz
Key Veteran
Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Slight deviation, a limerick

Rhere was a young man in Buckingham
Who stood on a bridge in Uppinham
Watching the stunts of the ****** in the punts
and the tricks of the ***** that were ****ing them

Tony Stott
Scenefromabove.com.au
13.3m mast
AP hot air balloon
AP kites
06-22-2008 10:21 PM
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
del19_82
Heliman
Location: Glasgow, Scotland

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

www.waterfoothelis.com
06-23-2008 12:23 AM
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
artimus
Veteran
Location: Puyallup WA

Nat King Cole was a merry old soul
and a merry old soul was he
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
and was soon picked up by the Narcotics Squad....

Mary Mary quite contray
How does your garden grow
With poppy seed and funny weeds
She ended up with Nat KIng Cole

AMA #890376..... Flying Helis is like sex ...you dont have to be good at it to enjoy it....
06-24-2008 07:51 PM
 
 
Proteus206
Heliman
Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada

Here's one for all you math geeks to answer, 'cause I never could make it add up!

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack went up with a dollar fifty
Jill came down with two and a quarter
06-28-2008 03:14 AM
 
 
Speedfrek
Heliman
Location: Herrin, il

These are still the best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XM4G8VV9HM
06-28-2008 03:38 AM
 
 
GimbalFan
Elite Veteran
Location: Copter County, Nv

Good stuff!

Limericks rule the world of poetic comedy IMHO.

op-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-thwõp-t
06-28-2008 07:10 AM
 
 
Hamo
Senior Heliman
Location: Ireland

Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Knickers all tattered and torn
It wasn't a spider that sat beside her
It was little boy blue with a horn

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a roll of cheese
Jack came down with a beaming smile
And his trousers round his knees

Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
Sill boy should have jumped higher
Goodness gracious great balls of fire

Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
But when she bent down the dog came round
And gave her a bone of his own
07-01-2008 10:02 AM
 
 
wizen2002
Heliman
Location: Ca

hope this is the last time
Stuck in this place and no sign of hope
ahead of time are only lies fed by
town authoritie that enjoy
watching you fail and all they want
is for you to fail...

Everytime they say there is hope
is another excuse for them to use for waisting your time..
poison my mind with sickness to the point
where i black out
i had good intentions but my prententions
are not applicable in this town
deception cause they pretend they know
but they want to hurt you more..
lies.lies,lies and dead ends..

it doesn't surprise me that they said i only had 2 years to go last year..this place is infected with evil so much that
even god wouln't survive...if i ever get out i pray they drop the bomb on this evil place..they know the vision of life i have and it doesn't reflect what is offered here...you just have to kind of accidently lower yourself below and endure never ending infected pain..

i wanted to do rc always but never was able to...they always find an excuse to use against you to make sure you go nowhere..
07-04-2008 05:54 AM
 
 
BigguyOz
Key Veteran
Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

Take some more of the little red ones.

Tony Stott
Scenefromabove.com.au
13.3m mast
AP hot air balloon
AP kites
07-04-2008 08:55 PM
HOMEPAGE  
 
 
Free Bird
Senior Heliman
Location: Somewhere in the USA

There was a bird with a yellow bill
I lured him to my window sill
I fed little crumbs of bread
Then I smashed his freaking head

I meant to do that!
07-04-2008 09:19 PM
 
 
wizen2002
Heliman
Location: Ca

forum is lacking a few sub sections
like there should be a humorous section for the throlls and mentally ill..no there should be a section called the eletcric chair...
07-04-2008 10:30 PM
 
 
young 3D
Senior Heliman
Location: California

jack and jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter...
jill came down with 2.50 the little wh*re.

little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey,
along came a spider who sat down beside her and said
"what's in the bowl bi*ch"

Helis are one thing... Everything else is rather Plane
07-05-2008 11:29 AM
 
 
Hamo
Senior Heliman
Location: Ireland

Roses are red, violets are blue
The higher the skirts, the better the view

Roses are red, violets are blue
Some verses rhyme, but this one doesn't

Hamo
07-07-2008 04:47 PM
 
 
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Off Topics Jokes-Puzzles-Riddles > Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids
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